The writings on this page are contributed by current and former NLP members. In order to share more of them in our limited space, they will be rotated every month or so.

Peace, tranquility, recovery, rebuilding.
Bomb implosion black hole.
Numbness.
Tired.
Sleep.
Waking.
Smile, nod, tending children.
Eat.
Twinkle, shock.
Tight hurt rage blinding shaking.
Darkness. Numb. Calm.
Cope, deal, live, cook.
Smile, play, hug, kiss.
Striking twinkle, blinding pain.
Tension aching bruised crushing
Rippling.
Darkness. Numb. Calm.
Home.
Apology, repentance, lies?
Wave.
Darkness.
Twinkles.
Searing scorching bludgeoning breaking.
Burning yearning fearing loving terrifying.
Tears.
Shame.
Hurt.
Anger.
Love.
Forgiveness.
Healing?

Raechel (8/17/06)
Posted September 2006

The Lie

I still desire your touch, and yet and yet The night brings pictures that I can't forget.
I reach to touch your face but all the while I hear the lie that hides behind your smile.

Through all the pain, I find I love you still; I love the you I know, and always will.
I cannot love, nor can I even try,
The monstrous thing that smiles behind the lie.

Kate (kate2587@sbcglobal.net)
(Posted September 2006)

Contest

Hell was laughing on the day we met.

The Angel said:
They will have joy, in measure,
And their times of testing.

The Demon said:
I will put a distance between them
That grows into a chasm too great
    to cross.
I will give them suffering to
   last their lives.

And the Angel said:
They will have love
That binds them into one
And gives them strength to
    pass through fire.

The Demon said:
He will have a secret vice
That eats away like acid at their
    love,
And leads him down to that place
From which there is no returning.

But the Angel said:
Through her he will catch a
    glimpse
of Light that will illuminate all
    secrets
And a taste of tears that will wash
    away all corruption.  

The Demon said:
I will give her loneliness and grief
And despair so great her soul will
    be a wasteland.
She will long for death.

But the Angel said:
She shall have the sustenance of
    faith
And the grace of True
    Compassion,
That will bring her safely through
    this night.
She will long to see the face of
    God.

The Demon said:
I will take him.
And the Angel said:
We will take him back,
For he was never yours.  

Grieving

The loss of innocence,
I didn't know that this was real.
I mean, promiscuity is something that Hollywood thought up, it's fodder for the movies.
Homeless children finding love from porn kings
Prostitution of mind, body, and soul

That is a bad thing right?
What happened to Miami Vice and Barney Miller?
When did bad become good?
When did it become so acceptable that it's no longer shocking?

How I miss those days...
When men were just people;
Like my brothers, playing games, doing jobs, raising families;
When I didn't wonder about the thoughts that pass behind their sun glasses.

How I miss the days....
When women were just people;
Like my sisters, braiding hair, swapping stories, raising families;
When my heart didn't break as I witnessed flirting and scant clothing.

For years I held onto a lie that said these things weren't so pressing.
I could live my life and remain detached from them.
I could live Little House on the Prairie.
I'll change my name to Alice.

Now I know.
I know those lies for what they are.
The pain is real.

It's not so much what my dearest did,
Or that it is there to do at all.
Those things I've dealt with, or at least recognized as having happened.
My heart cries out for what I thought could have been, for what I thought was.

My life is like a dear friend who has died.
How I loved those memories that were wound around the lies.
How I loved my close knit family and friendly dad.
Truth is my family wasn't close
We danced around an alcoholic.
A gentle man who snored when he was drunk,
but never stopped to notice we were in pain.

Truth is my husband isn't Charles Ingles.
His faith is rooted in what he can do.
His strength in his own addiction.
He too is gentle, but he can not, must not see the pain.

And so I grieve.
A pain as real as that which morns a loved one.
I remember putting Nanny in the grave.
I remember tears and anger and unbelief.
I remember a whole so deep and so hollow that I thought it would never heal.
I remember the pain of tears I could not cry because there were none left to fall.
I remember feeling cold.

My grief is like that now.
But who is there to comfort me?

My Father loves me.
He works all things to my good.
He holds up my head and wipes away my tears.
He promises that there will be sun in the morning.
He has prepared a place for me and awaits my coming like a groom waiting for his bride.
He has written my name upon his hand, the name that no one knows but
He and, someday, I.
I am dear to Him.
For me He has given up His only Son.
And He will never leave me.

by Cindy S
Posted October 2004

I Wish

Here we go again...
You say you want to talk.
I say I would too.
But again away you walk.

I wish we really could.

Here we go again...
We are really talking now,
About the weather, work and kids.
It's just not enough somehow.

I wish we could go deeper.

Here we go again...
Our talk is so deep it pains,
But healing can come now,
'Til no hurt remains.

I wish it didn't hurt so much.

Here we go again...
Now we share how we feel,
Our hopes, dreams, hurts and all.
It feels so good to be real.

I don't have to wish anymore!

Connie
Posted August 2004

Earthquake

I didn’t even know I lived near a fault line, so it was completely unexpected when the earthquake shook my world. I was just walking along when I felt a slight tremor. I looked around, but everything seemed to be okay, so I kept walking. Then there was a violent shaking, the ground was unstable, huge cracks formed and I thought I might fall into one. It grew even worse, more violent, buildings crashing around me and even on me. As I crawled from beneath the ruble, I saw so much destruction. It was difficult to comprehend the extent of the damage.

Buildings I had thought were indestructible were leveled. These structures were important, vital parts of my life: trust, purity in marriage, honesty, security. Some other buildings were badly damaged: self-esteem, respect. Oddly, some new structures had been formed, but they were hideous. It was excruciating just to look at them: betrayal, questioning, adultery, deception, physical danger. Some buildings still stood strong, and they were the ones that gave me the strength to go on: God, faith, love, children, friends.

It’s been days since the earthquake. I’m rebuilding now. The new foundation has been laid for trust. Repairs are being made to self-esteem and respect. I spend much time working on these, and seeing them becoming stronger is encouraging to me. However, sometimes I hear a noise or see movement in the area where the new, terrible structures arose. I look in that direction and think that I need to tear those down, but they look strong, and it could take a while. I’ll need to get stronger before I can completely destroy them, and even then, some of them will probably always remain.

Sometimes, I glance back at the buildings I can’t rebuild: purity in marriage, and I ache. Such an emptiness. I never thought that one would go. Others are missing too, I know they are, but I cannot name them right now. I just feel their absence. Sometimes, it’s dark, and it’s hard to work in the dark because I can’t see what I’m doing.

Now I wonder what the future holds. Will I rebuild only to have another earthquake? I don’t think I could do it again. I think the cracks would be too large, and I’d fall in. I want to believe that we’ve moved, that we’re no longer near that fault line. I want to believe that, but my trust building in still under construction.

It’s strange the feelings that emerge. Sometimes I’m happy to see how strong the love is, to see how the new building will be even more beautiful than the old. Sometimes I’m sad to see the ones I’ve lost and can never get back. Sometimes I’m angry for those ugly buildings that are always lurking there, mocking me. But usually, I’m somewhere in between.

I don’t want to look back. I just want to rebuild. I want my world to be better than it was before. I want the ground to be steady. I want love unshakable and growing. Someday, I want my children to look at the work I’ve done and be proud. Someday, I want to look next to me and see my husband’s world, not dim, not murky, but crystal clear. I want to see his world clean, no litter on the streets, no thieves hiding behind corners, all the lights on in the buildings. I want to see his love, faith, honesty, self-esteem, relationship with God, loyalty to me and family, happiness, all standing strong and everlasting.

By Kelly, 2003

Return to Writings Page