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What Now?

You have just found out that your husband is addicted to pornography or you have found out that he is cybersexing or has had an affair. Or perhaps you have known he has been involved with porn for sometime, but now you want to do something about it.

You are asking yourself what do I do now? Know that you have found a place of acceptance, understanding, love, and support. We of NLP are here for you.

Also we accept that God is a God of miracles and restoration. We firmly believe in standing for our marriages as long as it is safe to do so.

So Where Do I Start?

Start by realizing that your own relationship with Christ is of the utmost importance.

We want to begin working on refocusing ourselves on Christ and off of our husbands. This includes accepting the concept that the only one I can change, with God's help, is me.

Begin to admit to yourself and your sisters your anger, hurt, frustrations, fears, etc. Begin to deal with your feelings. If safe, start to share these with your husband not in a "you" fashion, but rather in an "I feel" way.

Participate in our email conversations and/or locate a face-to-face group near you. Sharing with others is the way to begin to heal the hurts of the past.

Recognize and work on issues you have. These may include your own addictions (sex/love/relationship, food, shopping, computer, etc.)

You may be suffering from trauma from living with, or discovering, the addiction in your family. You may choose to seek professional help to work through your trauma response.

Also learn more about codependency - what it is and how it works. Co-dependancy, broadly summed up, is wanting to please everyone else, saying yes when I want to say no, focusing all my energy and attention on others, whether that is a spouse, children, or church, and forgetting myself and my own true needs in unhealthy ways. Most of us have some tendencies to do this.

One of the best things you can do is educate yourself. Learn about sexual addiction. Read books, ask questions in the group, find a good counselor who has been trained in addictions, or a local support group. As you start to understand sexual addiction, what it is and what it isn’t, it will better enable you to make wise, healthy choices.